We say it once more: goodbye. Until again, or perhaps silence, because our hearts can no longer bear the weight of another farewell.
Dear military spouse, if this is your first goodbye, lean in. This season will bring every kind of feeling—intense, complicated, and often overwhelming. For some, words will escape as your heart echoes moments too heavy to describe. For others, words may come more naturally, shaped by years of transitions and solitude. Or perhaps, after a lifetime of holding it all in, words still feel stuck.
Whether you’re new to this journey or a seasoned spouse facing your umpteenth separation, one truth remains: embrace this season with honesty and vulnerability.
The Weight of Goodbye
As a spouse who has endured more than nine goodbyes, I’ve felt it all—sorrow, frustration, and even numbness. But each experience taught me something vital: the importance of showing up fully in my marriage, letting my spouse truly see me—even through pain and distance.
If you find yourself in another season without your spouse—or even if they’re physically present but emotionally distant—pause. Reflect. Ask yourself:
• How have I responded to separation in the past, not just in marriage but throughout life?
• As a child, a teen, or a young adult, how did I cope with difficult times?
• What comforts, thoughts, or patterns did I lean on?
Recognizing these patterns can guide you through the present, especially when physical absence weighs heavily on your spirit.
And it’s okay to admit when you feel helpless, forgotten, or lonely—especially during holidays or transitions that magnify what feels missing. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about being honest with where you are, letting that truth shape a heart posture that seeks something greater than yourself.
Finding Gratitude in God’s Presence
In my own journey, I’ve discovered how God’s presence can transform even the most difficult seasons. True gratitude begins with vulnerability—laying bare the thoughts and feelings we often hide and allowing God to meet us in our rawness.
This honesty not only strengthens us but also draws us closer to those we love. I often remind military families and clients that the more truthfully we bring ourselves before God, the more intimately we connect with our spouses. God sees us fully and invites us to trust His love.
A Turning Point in Our Story
One deployment stands out among the many. It was my husband’s seventh or eighth, and the kids and I were worn down. Our home had become a place thick with frustration and unspoken feelings. My husband and I felt alienated, and despite our involvement in church, the emptiness persisted.
One evening, God prompted me to celebrate his return. Celebrate? I questioned. Celebrate what? The feelings of abandonment? The unresolved conflicts?
But God led me to the story of the Prodigal Son. Reluctantly, I obeyed. I walked through the store, arguing with God the whole time. Yet, I felt compelled to make this story come alive for my family.
That evening, with a chocolate cake as a symbol of welcome, I read the story aloud at dinner. My husband wept. My children listened. In that moment, our hearts found healing—not from my effort, but through God’s grace.
Surrender and True Healing
The healing came when I surrendered the distorted view I had of my husband. God reminded me of His unchanging love for all His children—including my husband. It’s a love we can’t fully fathom or produce ourselves; it must come from God. As I embraced this truth, my heart softened, and it changed how I saw my husband.
For those unfamiliar with the story of the Prodigal Son, you can read it here.
Gratitude Through Transition
Gratitude during times of separation isn’t about ignoring the hard parts. It’s about being open to the work God is doing in us through those challenges. Gratitude reminds us of what God has done, even when the way forward feels unclear.
In every moment—through separation and reunion—He is with us, shaping us and our families. Trust in that truth, and lean into His love.
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